My Imperfect Journey

Raise your hand if you are an emotional person. Yep, I’m with you! I am an emotional person, I cry easy. I HATE that about myself. I want to control it, I don’t want to cry at work!

Last post I mentioned Radical Candor by Kim Scott. I’m bringing another tid bit I got from her today. I can’t recommend this book more.

I am a crier that doesn’t want to cry and at the same time I don’t know how to handle when others cry. I usually sit there and let them cry and ask if they are ok. So awkward.

Well someone recommended to Kim (yea it’s the type of book that we are on first name basis now) to NOT keep tissues in her office. Instead recommended tissues within walking distance and bottles of water at her desk. Uh ok, how does that matter?

So with the tissues on your desk it makes people feel more open to crying. Where as if they are in walking distance you have to excuse yourself and go get them. In the time it takes to get the tissues many people are able to get their emotions back under control and won’t need the tissues.

The water bottles was weird to me until explained. If you offer someone on the verge of tears a bottle of water it stops them crying? well when they take the unopened bottle they pause, open it and take a sip. That time focusing on the water bottle is usually enough to help them get the tears under control.

Don’t get me wrong. Tears are not to be ashamed (I need to hear this too, I’m ashamed of my emotions most times). The thing is I don’t want my emotions to control me, especially at work. I consistently think of how people perceive me if I cry, especially as a woman in the workplace.

Tears like everything have a time and place, typically work isn’t one of them.

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I am listening to Radical Candor by Kim Scott right now and loving it. I have gotten so much out of it. I want to focus one one thing today. Rockstars and Superstars…ok maybe that’s two types of people. Anyway, the book talks about how their are superstars who are amazing and innovative and just killing it and how important they are in any organization. These people are on the fast track promoting out of jobs so fast. Where as rockstars are those steady people who you can always count on. They are your rock, you give them a project and you know it is handled. They just are as worried about promotion they are happy where they are. Rockstars are just as critical as your superstars.

My thoughts on it was how we focus so much praise and recognition on the superstars. Everyone knows about them. People are jealous of them, think they have it so easy and are so lucky. The thing as a leader we to often forget that those superstars still need mentorship. They still need your time and support. Often we think because since they are shining superstars they don’t need anything. No! They still need you, they need your support, time, and mentorship. Superstars are more prone to burn out (no evidence to support this, just what I have seen). Superstars are doing great but they are still going, they aren’t perfect and don’t know everything.

Rockstars I think we spend more mentorship time on them. But it is because we think they are great and should promote (because that is what we would want). They are not us! They don’t want the same as you do. They need our time and mentorship to continue their hard work. We don’t dictate what their goals are.

Keep in mind that superstar and rockstar and times in peoples life. Being a superstar is not always sustainable. Sometimes people are rockstars because they have other things that are a priority in life. Do you know why your rockstars don’t want to promote? Is it fear? Is it for family reasons? Why, how are you going to support and mentor them if you don’t know their why?

Today look at yourself. Are you a rockstar or a superstar at work?

I’m a rockstar, not purposefully. More because I burn out quickly as a superstar. It takes a lot from me. I’m recharging.

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Multiple times in my career I have either said or thought that I just wanted to be left alone to do my job. I “didn’t have time” to lead or mentor my subordinates much less other people’s.

Uh excuse me, Stephanie, that is your job. You are a supervisor, that includes leadership and mentorship.

Yes it can be hard to manage your time but is necessary. Everyone talks about the necessity of having a work/ life balance, but no one talks about a task/ lead balance.

To dive into this I first have to go into the idea of work/ life balance. This is a not the type of balance that stays even on both sides at all times. This is about making sure that you don’t focus on one side of the scale all the time to the detriment of the other. Some times your personal life needs to be your focus. These times are different for everyone but a few examples are when there is a death or even birth in your life, family issues/ struggles, when you are struggling with your physical and/or mental health. While other times work will need your focus. Again we are all different but a few examples are when you are deployed (duh), awards and promotion seasons, work trips, short turn around taskers. The important thing with work/life balance is about not focusing on one side all the time. Each has a season and seasons end.

The same idea can be used for your task/lead methodology. Sometimes you have to turn in a project quickly but other times you can choose to mentor someone else through that project. Or your subordinate might need you to listen to them; whether it’s about their mental health, awards, their performance or feedback about their performance. Again though you can’t ignore the tasks to mentor, but the flip side of that coin is that you can’t ignore mentorship to the detriment of your tasks.

I don’t have the answer of what this looks like in your life, or even my life. I am constantly working on this. My comfort zone is completing tasks, mentorship is scary and hard. The main thing for us to do is to acknowledge the different parts of our job and life really; and ensure they are both given your time. Know when you may be constantly ignoring one side of your job. AND CHANGE!

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To many people get taken out by snowballs. No I’m not talking about the white balls of snow. I’m talking about when one you mess up once and then you allow that one mistake to snowball out of control.

I have seen it happen over and over with the people that have worked for me. I have tried to talk to them and make them understand. Let that one mistake stand on its own stop letting it snowball into more and more mistakes.

Too bad I wasn’t listening to myself. I have had people that I wasn’t a good supervisor to. Instead of asking to sit down with them and get back on the right track I got in my head and just beat myself up for failing them…while continuing to fail them.

If you as a leader have not done what you wanted to do with all the people that work for you then stop what you are doing and change that. Schedule time to sit down with them and start over. Be honest and show them your challenges and how you are continually trying to improve. That is all you can do. Don’t be upset that you haven’t done feedbacks, mentorship, heck you don’t know anything about them. Instead start changing that piece by piece. Being in your head doesn’t help that person. Yea “next time” you will do better. What about this time, you are still in this moment so own it! Change your present and it will change your future.

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